Ranting!

I know that I am all about living life to its fullest and being positive, but I just need a day to rant about how much my roommate, as much as I love her, drives me absolutely off the wall batty!!!!!!

Today we were supposed to go out to dinner at Dominoes, but today when I texted her to confirm she said, "Oh, I am already in the cafeteria.  Want to join me?"  We go to a college that has an all you can eat buffet, but we tend to get sick of the options pretty quick.  Anyway, so I just kind of settled on the fact that we were weren't ordering out and that I again had to eat at an insanely early time.  When I finally got there (5 minutes later) she had already finished eating and was tapping her foot waiting for me.  So I ran and grabbed a small salad, a slice of cold pizza, some apple sauce, and some iced tea.  I sat down and she immediately started complaining about the plans that we had with our friends tomorrow night, saying that she didn't have time and they didn't ask our opinion and that we should just do it this summer instead.  We both know very well that this summer the chance of our getting together is slimmer than snowball's chance in Hell.  When I mentioned this and then texted our friends to see if they could get together so we could chat about it, she said, "Do they have to come to our room?"  My roommate then looks at me and, still tapping her foot, says, "You should eat faster," in a way that to the stranger's ear would sound joking and kinda, but to a person who hears this 4 or 5 times a day turned into a demand.  So I started inhaling my food so quickly that it is amazing I didn't choke.  Then as we were walking out of the cafeteria she said she wanted AirHeads candy which meant that I had to follow her up stairs so she could buy the stupid thing and not share with me even though I buy candy and cookies and ice cream for her at least once a week if not more often.  Then as we are walking back to our dorm room, she decides to make fun of a guy for wearing socks and sandals at the same time.  She does this all the time.  Making fun of people for the way they dress and the way they wear their hair.  All I can think is, "seriously!  You are being such a jerk!  Just leave them alone and think about how you have been treating me and everyone else in the world for the past semester!"
Here are all the reasons why this whole thing has royally ticked me off.
First of all, you don't make plans with someone then bail on them without even letting them know you are bailing.
Second, if you knew you were almost done eating, then why did you invite me to join you in the first place when you knew I was going to take at least 15 minutes to eat?
Third, we have been planning this get together all semester.  You knew it was coming so you don't get to complain that it is here now.  It is supposed to be a fun time to see our friend who hasn't been in the country for 4 months.
Fourth, do NOT tell me how fast I should eat!  You do this all the time!  You tell me when to go to bed, when to do my homework, when to get up in the morning, when to eat my food, and when to get out or stay out of the room.  And you do it so passive aggressively!  "You should eat dinner with me."  "Go to bed. Haha!"  "You should go and do your homework in the study lounge."  "Do you mind if I turn on MY music instead of yours?"  "Can I turn off the light?"  "Will you be back soon?  I want to take a nap."
Fifth, you and I are not the greatest people in the world.  We don't have the best style, we aren't all knowing, we are not entitled to schedule everyone else's lives, or anyone else's for that matter.  And I refuse to agree with you when you start talking about the "gross guy with dreadlocks."  That is the way he likes his hair and no, it is not disgusting.  It is actually quite clean and you can't possibly know any different because you refuse to learn anything about anything that isn't your norm.
So just quite being a jerk for like 24 hours!  Please!  I want to do what I want and say what I want and not have to agree with you because otherwise you will give me the silent treatment for the evening.  Oh wait you do that all the time anyway for no reason at all so why should I care?

Sorry about the downer, readers.  I was extremely frustrated, but I am better now.  Thank you for listening, if you have stuck around this long.  :)  Have a glorious spring evening, all!

Engagement to a Good Day.

Salutations my dear readers,
I know its been awhile.  Posting once a week is a little ridiculous when hardly anything happens that often.  Ha!  But today is a good day to post.  It is Sunday and it is beautiful outside.  March is a good month.  The sun is coming back out.  I missed the sun so much over the past few months.  All that cold and darkness really brings me down.  But February was pretty awesome for quite a few of my friends.  I'll tell you the story.
On February 27th, my friend Daniel proposed to his girlfriend of nearly 2 years.  Of course she said yes.  So there was the first one.  Now to tell this next one I have to go back to the end of January.  Andrew and Carmella got on a plane and flew to Europe.  The two of them are studying abroad for 3 months.  So on February 28th, in Verona, Italy, he proposed to her after dating since high school.  I am so extremely happy for both couples.  They are meant to be and of course I love a good wedding.
Another wonderful thing that happened in February, a dear friend of mine announced that she and her boyfriend are having a baby.  Now for anyone who knows me even a little they know I am baby crazy so this was some of the best news I have gotten since I was told I was going to be a Godmother for one of my other friends.
So I have five amazing friends who have wonderful news and it all happened in February.  Makes me want to slightly rethink my disgust with Valentine's Day.  Even though none of these things happened on V-Day they happened within a few weeks and I think that is a sign.  Anyway, February was fantastic for so many of my friends.  It was kind of hard on me, but all the great things they got to experience makes up for most of it.
I won't go into my crappy month.  I think that most of the reason it was so bad is because I hate winter and the cold and not having any sunshine is depressing.  So this month is going to be better.  It has to be better because you can only have so many bad days in a row.  After a while something breaks and you start going back up.  So here is my new month resolution.  Look for the good things.  There are days when it seems like the world hates you and nothing is good.  What you have to do on those day is close your eyes, take a deep breath, open your eyes, and be reintroduced to the world.  Look for the good things.  Look for the beauty.  Listen for the music of the world.  Just live.
Because the world is an amazing thing.  And life is glorious.  It is scary and confusing, but Lord is it glorious. Remember that dear readers.  As Daniel, Carmella, and Andrew know, there are great days.  You just have to look for them.
Have a wonderful day readers.  Live gloriously!
Maria

Growing Up

I discovered yesterday that there is a time in life, an exact moment, when you stop being a child and you start being an adult.  Some of you think this is a given.  I thought it was too until yesterday.  There will be an exact moment for every single one of you, when you will look at yourself and say, "My God, I am a grown up."  Until that time you will wander aimlessly wondering why you are here and what the point of all this wandering is.
When I turned 18 I thought, "Today I am an adult."  How stupid of me.  When I started college I again thought, "Today I am an adult."  Obviously when one moves out of their parents' home they foolishly believe that they have crossed into a new world of adulthood.  It is idiotic if you believe that.  I was not an adult the first time I filled taxes, or the first time my name was on a loan or car title.  I was still not an adult when I was listed as a backup guardian to my autistic younger brother.  Up until yesterday at 5:30 PM, I believed that I was an adult and that I could never go back.  Well, I was right about one thing.  Now I am here and I can never go back.  But at 5:30 PM last night, something happened that will change my life forever.
Last night, my mother texted me and asked if she was a good mom.  She has been feeling down lately, but this was extraordinarily unusual to hear from her.  So I called.  On the other end of that phone I heard something that I will not soon forget.  I heard my mother cry and ask me for advice.  Me, not even in this world for 21 years, and I am giving advice to my mother.  This is the woman I have cried to, laughed with, screamed at, and been loved by unconditionally for my entire life.  Here she was, asking the same of me with not so many words.  And it killed her to do it, but who else would she go to?  From the time I was very small I have been my mother's closest friend, and now in her time of need what could I do but give her all of my love and support.  When she had calmed down and I had told her that she was the best mom a girl could ask for, I hung up the phone, wiped away a tear, took a deep breath and said, "My God, I am a grown up."
Like I said, there is an exact moment and until then you will be a child.  Not every body will have the same epiphany in the same way, obviously, but I promise you, if you haven't had that moment yet, you will definitely know when you have it.  It isn't when you graduate, or move to your own place, or open your first credit card, or buy your first car.  It is a real grown up experience that nobody can define for you.
Good luck to all of you in your growing up endeavors.
Grow up gloriously my fine readers,
Maria

Roommates, Cats, and Options

Something that at least a few of you know about me is that I am a sophomore in college.  At the university I attend, it is required for students to spend at least their first two years living on campus unless they are within commuting distance.  That was fine for me.  I didn't mind living on campus.  I was excited to be in the dorms.  When I got here I was ecstatic to find that my roommate is a fantastic person who doesn't preform seances and cleans up after herself.  We got to know each other and within the first few months of living together we became very close friends.  We are living together again this year and in short, she knows more about me and my past than almost anyone else in this world.  (That may be saying a lot considering I am not exactly a closed book.)  She is a very dear friend of mine now and means a lot to me, but we are enter the spring semester and now I have no idea where I am going to live next year.  I would love to live with my roommate again as she has similar beliefs and values to my own however, my roommate has a fiance and she has chosen to live with him next fall.  I was fine with this until I realized, after asking several other people I am friends with on campus, that I have nowhere to live next year.  So I gave myself some options.  Keeping positive right?

Option 1: Take out an extensive school loan (more so than what I already have) and rent an apartment by myself.  This wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't adopted a cat that I happened to fall in love with and now can't let stay with her foster family much longer.  Apparently owning a cat in an apartment is slightly expensive.
Option 2: Somehow, magically talk one of my friends into being my roommate next year in an apartment and asking them not to do one of the following: transfer to a different school from here or go to a different school out of high school (I have quite a few friends who are graduating form high school this year).
Option 3: Let my cat live with my parents who are hopefully buying a house as of this summer and I would stay in the dorms for at least another semester with a random roommate that is currently unknown.
Option 4: Let my cat live with my parents as mentioned above, but I would find one friend to finish off a group of four that is started with me and 2 other friends.  Currently there are three of us and we need a fourth so we could possibly get a suite on campus next year.  However, this is expensive and finding a fourth person is highly unlikely.
Option 5: My final option... I would transfer my sorry butt back to my hometown, live with my parents, and go to school at the university that I have been avoiding since I was old enough to realize what it was.

So here I am with at least 2 valid options, one that I could possibly make work, and two that I would have to rely on too many people to make happen for me.  I am a big believer in getting things done by myself; only asking for help when absolutely necessary.  Some of you can attest to that.  Right now I am just going nuts trying to figure out what to do.  I'm frustrated and concerned and as an old friend used to call me, I'm being a little worrier.

All of this is not conducive to living gloriously.  In fact, its kind of the exact opposite.  So right now, I am mustering up all of my patience and courage, and I am trusting that somehow, the answer will come to me and I will not end up living in a box next year.  So anyway... That is my rant for the day.

All the best my phenomenal readers
Live life gloriously!
Maria

Rediscovery, Poetry, and Self

Hello Readers!
I apologize.  I had told you that I would post at least once a week and I have not been doing that.  You see, although I have had lots of things to say, I have not been able to find the words to say them.  As I mentioned before, this blog is supposed to be a way for me to rediscover myself, but apparently the holidays are not a good time to find one's self.  That is until today.
I have a friend who writes poetry.  Well I have several friends who write poetry, but this friend in question writes the most beautiful love poetry I have ever read.  Today I read a poem of his that was about his relationship with his parents.  As I read it I wanted to cry.  I would give you this poem to read my friends, but I want him to stay anonymous and I don't want to share what isn't mine.  That is not the point, however.  The point is, I find it amazing how one person's words can touch someone so deeply.  I posted one of my very amateur poems a few weeks ago and I know very well that it will reach few, if anyone.  Because of a few friends of mine, I have a new goal.  From now on when I have a strong emotion or a meaningful event happen to me in my day to day life, I will write a short poem that describes that moment in my life.  My hope is that one day soon I will be able to look back and say, "hey, that was a defining moment and I'm glad that writing about it got me to where I am now."
As you can see I am pretty hopeful.  In the end it doesn't matter what I say here.  I am doing my best to live my life with fulfillment and gloriousness.   (Yes I realize 'gloriousness' is not a word.)  Recently it has been tough to do, but I will keep doing it because I know that it will help me figure out who the heck I am, and maybe in the process some of you will find a new you that wasn't even a glimmer before.
Well my wonderful readers, thank you for sticking with me today.  I rambled a little, but don't I always?  :)
Read some poetry, friends, and live life gloriously.
Maria

Just a little memory

I was thinking of high school today, although that is not something I would suggest for most, and I remembered a song.  A dear friend of mine sang this to me when I was having a hard time and today I listened to it again and it brought a tear to my eye.  I hope that when you listen to this song it gives you a little bit of hope and brightens your day.  Please take a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t9u-LOa3OI

Have a glorious moment on me,
Maria

Success through Osmosis

I am procrastinating.  I have a few finals I should be studying for and instead I am writing a blog post.  Not the worst thing I could be doing by far, but still, how can I expect to get anywhere in my life if I'm not studying or at least picking up the books I need to read in order to succeed?

My goal is to find myself right?  But I haven't done anything new or different.  I haven't tried to change my habits or redo my schedule.  I have been sitting here day after day, trying to figure out what to do with myself when really what I need to be doing is trying harder in school.  I need to suck it up and turn my internet off for a few hours and just do it.  So if I know what I need to do, why is it so hard?  Once I sit down and start reading my assignments it will be easy to do.  Well, relatively.  Compared to just staring at the books and hoping my studying occurs through osmosis, starting my assignments should be a piece of cake.  And my roommate is great at studying.  That is all she has been doing for the past two weeks or more.  And her stuff really is hard.  She is a psychology major and every thing she does goes right over my head.

So I have decided.  What I am going to do starting tomorrow after class is not check my Facebook, but get my homework done.  I will study.  That is all.  And when I am done studying I will allow myself thirty minutes to bum around on the computer.  After that, its back to the books.

For anyone who doesn't know and is curious, college is hard.  A lot harder than what the high school guidance counselors let on to when they say it is your only hope to survival.

Anyway, that is my rant for the evening.  Someday I will get this student thing right.  Wish me luck readers!

Live gloriously,

Maria